In our society who are addressed as the “orthodox masses”? Clearly, our elders and parents. If you have watched the movie “Parental Guidance”, you will learn that how parenting styles can vary between adults and also between adult generations as well.
The conversations between children, discussing about their parents and their different ways of parenting styles have a pessimistic approach most of the times. Why is it so? Don’t parents love their own child or is it the way how parents revert to their child’s problem. To my knowledge, there are 4 types of parenting
The first type/style is,
Authoritarian Parenting- is where parents establish the rules and expect that children will follow them what may come. If the child challenges the rules or ask why, they are usually told, “Because I said so.” They are not usually given the reasons for the rules and there is very little room for negotiation. Authoritarian parents may use punishments instead of consequences, and the outcome is that the child gets aggressive for the given punishment, does not learn from his mistake & the situation gets worse. For example, when a 3-year-old child grabs a toy from her friend, an authoritarian parent would demand his child to return the toy immediately, as it’s not in their rule book.
The other type/style has a much positive approach which is,
Authoritative parenting- which also has rules that children are expected to follow, however, they allow some exceptions to the given rules. They tell the child the reasons for the rules and they are more willing to consider their child’s feelings when setting
limits. They tend to use positive consequences instead of punishments, which results to responsible, successful & contented adults in future. For example, when a 3-year-old grabs a toy from his friend, the authoritative parent responds sensitively, but firmly. The authoritative parent might say, “I understand you would also like to play with this toy.” This parent also enforces limits by saying, “Your friend is playing with this toy now. Perhaps in a few minutes, you can take turns playing with the toy.”
The next type/style of parenting is called
Permissive Parenting- which doesn’t offer much discipline. They tend to be lenient and only step in when there is an enormous and serious problem. There may be few consequences for misbehavior because parents have an attitude of “kids will be kids.” Permissive parents may take one more of a friend role than a parent role. They may encourage their children to talk with them about their problems but may not discourage their bad behavior. Kids who grow up with permissive parents tend to struggle academically, exhibit more behavioral problems as they will likely not appreciate authority and rules. For example, when a 3-year-old who grabs a toy from his friend for playmate, the permissive parent chooses not to intervene, and believes that his child should be able to express himself and handle the situation on his own.
The last type/style is,
Uninvolved Parenting- which tends to be neglectful, where parents have little knowledge of what their children are doing. They often do not meet their children’s basic needs and may expect the child to raise themselves. Sometimes this is due to a parent’s mental health issues or substance abusive problems. They may also lack knowledge about parenting and child development or may feel overwhelmed by life’s other problems. When parents are uninvolved, children tend to lack self-esteem, perform poorly in academics, rank low in happiness. For example, while watching his 3-year-old grab a toy from another child, the uninvolved parent makes no attempt to rationalize or justify the behavior, nor does she intervene.
Sometimes parents don’t fit into just one category. There are times they are more authoritarian and times that they tend to be more authoritative and their discipline strategies may vary from child to child. Do parents always stick to a particular parenting style, based on their personality? Is it really possible to classify parents into parenting style categories? If any parent were to read up on a particular style and apply it, does it guarantee similar results? What about the parenting style of the spouse? Is it of any significance and importance?
Now, consider this situation, Scene: Rohan is a 13 year old child, staying in my neighborhood, came home with a “D” grade & a lot of complains from school written on his annual examination report card. Terror broke on him and hence he decided to not let his mother know about this, as he thinks she would punish him terribly and confiscate all his gadgets. Eventually, she found out Rohan’s report card hidden in his cupboard and yells at him for the same. She did exactly what Rohan had thought she would do and this act by mother broke him down. She had immediately rounded him, put away all gadgets, prohibited his playtime and tried to force him to study. The result? Rohan became contumacious, and waited for opportunities to sneak out his gadgets from their hiding place. On the other hand, Rohan’s father decided to try a different approach. He did restrict gadgets, playtime etc. but also made it a point to daily sit with Rohan for at least half an hour and work on his weak areas. He made him understand the importance of good education and hard work and also rewarded his good efforts. Most importantly, Rohan confided to him about his troubles at school which he was unsure how to handle. Sooner, Rohan’s parents realized that in their busy life schedules, they had almost neglected the emotional health of their only son. They both decided to give him abundant love and care, attend his problems and look after his academics as well. By being more involved in their child’s life, they understood how to deal with the situation. So in this case, the spouse’s approach worked better and so eventually there was peace at home!
You and your 5 year old son visit the supermarket and your son throws a temper tantrum to buy favorite candy, toy or book and in return does not allow you to do your own shopping.
Your little girl, of 8 year old wants to wear lipstick, nail polish and wants the same dress like the girl she sees in Television advertisements. So readers, imagine you stumble upon the following situations, how would you
deal with them? Do write your thoughts to us in the comment section. Thank you for reading. If you want me to blog something in particular, kindly leave it in the comment box below.